There's no easy way to say this. Wait - maybe there is.
My (28F) boyfriend (27M) has a glow-in-the-dark skeleton.
No. That sounds like he has one stored in a closet somewhere, like a Halloween decoration. Let me try again.
My boyfriend's skeleton -- and, by that, I mean his actual human skeleton, the one under his skin and muscles and guts, glows green at night, like the little star and planet stickers my dad put on my bedroom ceiling when I was eight. And I mean that literally -- like, it only glows after he's exposed his skin to the sun for at least a half hour or so.
Ok, that wasn't so hard, after all.
Except I'm not supposed to tell anyone. But this post is anonymous, right?
He's really self-conscious about it. It's very cute. He told me that no one, other than his parents, know about his condition. Condition. There I go again. I've been trying to tell him that it's not a condition - this is a something else. Something special.
It's a superpower.
Sure, it's not flight or invisibility or breathing underwater. But, let's be honest, the ocean is scary af, invisibility is for sure a creeper-status power, and wishing for flight's a mistake, unless you remember to also ask the monkey's paw for the ability to breath very thin air up there in the clouds. And it's probably really cold, too.
But a glow-in-the-dark skeleton? Now there's a superpower.
Given my theatre background (Sister Sarah Brown - Guys and Dolls, St Anne's High School 2011), I see huge opportunities for him. I mean, let's just take The Christmas Carol. Can you imagine a real deal Ghost of Christmas Future... hello? I bet all sorts of TV shows would want him, too. That new Eagle+ show about zombies... he'd be perfect for it.
The only problem is that he has to be completely naked to see it. Somehow his Timex® Indiglo™ bone structure can show through his skin and stuff, but not any strip of clothing. Which kinda makes sense. Otherwise, wouldn't his skeleton just show up through any structure, and we'd be like seeing it all the time, through buildings and stuff?
I know what the comments are going to say. How did he get his power?
Believe me, I've asked. Many times. I've been through all my theories with him. He fell into a vat of glow-stick goo during a class trip. He looked into a laser-beam in his mom's secret laboratory. My latest is that he was swimming in the Pacific Ocean during the green flash at sunset.
But he won't tell me. Maybe he's an alien?
What should I do? I don't like secrets. But I keep mine. I've never told anyone, ever, about this, other than right now. But what if he's lying to me?
Still, I don't want to lose my green nights, where I slowly trace every one of his 206 bones in the gloaming darkness of his glow.
Here's a weird fact I bet you didn't know: the hyoid bone isn't connected to any other part of the skeleton. It's just kinda floating under the mouth -- a little boomerang. It's my favorite part.
Thanks for reading this.
Gracie (not my real name, but pretty close)
P.S. No. Eww. Don't be gross.
Posted to /r/relationship_advice by gracie_throwaway_28 at 11:54 PM